Too Busy to Connect: Avoiding Invalidation in our Communication

Do we care about talking to each other anymore, or are we settling for mostly texts, emails, tweets, and similar electronic quickies?

We often think that quick communication saves time. This is true in some cases. But relying only on cursory communication runs the risk of misunderstanding, and a lot of hoopla about “what did she mean by that e-mail?” Once those questions get started, they take on a life of their own and end up as huge time wasters, not time savers, and the intent of the communication may be lost or so badly misinterpreted that trust goes astray in the translation.

Let’s regroup and think about the advantages of face-to-face communication, what might get in the way, and types of skills that promote cooperation even in difficult instances.

Face to face communication motivated by care and concern can be so meaningful. But meaningful discourse has a lot of components, many of which are ignored—often unintentionally—no matter how many training classes are offered on the subject of communication.

What does invalidation look like? How do we invalidate each other in our conversations?

Negative comments are remembered much more than positive regard. In the adult world, we may be thicker-skinned, but we remember. There are at least 10 common ways we often invalidate others every day.

>>Maxine Kamin, president of TOUCH Consulting, Inc., develops this idea in a free resource you can download here.


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Maxine Kamin

Maxine Kamin is president of TOUCH Consulting, Inc.: The Personal Touch in Business. She is an author of internationally recognized books and training guides for the American Society for Training and Development such as 10 Steps to Successful Customer Service and Customer Service Training.

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I like it Mac and do agree with your opinions on the matter. Thanks much
— winston
In this era, we have the opportunity of professional church staff today who utilize their gifting to shape the image and atmosphere of the church organization. But the 100% real impact on the church visitors is genuine evidence of changed lives by the gospel and the active growing discipleship (just as it was in the first century church). One demonstration is financially rich believers ministering equally together with poor believers (how odd, and incredibly miraculous; all humble and bow at the foot of the cross.). It is the awesome contrast of church members vocations, race, gender, age, maturity, gifting, humility that demonstrates to visitors "there is a Spirit in the place". That first-time guest list of 10 are "physical excuses", not spiritual excuses. Those don't tell the story. The condition of facilities and publicly greeting people have zero to do with it. The power of God in and through believers lives dedicated to impact other people with their relationship bridge-building of acceptance of the lost around them. Empowered believers are infectious, loving, helpful, giving, self-less, dynamic, compelling, bold, Christ-filled. As I have been in many church settings domestically and internationally, the facilities can be poor, and yet the fellowship can still be rich. We need to operate with first church humility. People come to Christ on His terms, not on our human abilities of hospitality. A huge catastrophe in a community, disaster relief brings lots of people into churches – many come to the church in those terrible conditions no matter the physical condition of the local church. Off the condition of facility, and onto the condition of God's people (living stones).... and everything else will grow.... and the other physical issues will be corrected by the staff.
— Russ Wright
"While I understand the intent behind this phrase" Expound please. What do you understand to be the intent behind that phrase?
— Ken

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