Too Busy to Connect: Avoiding Invalidation in our Communication

Do we care about talking to each other anymore, or are we settling for mostly texts, emails, tweets, and similar electronic quickies?

We often think that quick communication saves time. This is true in some cases. But relying only on cursory communication runs the risk of misunderstanding, and a lot of hoopla about “what did she mean by that e-mail?” Once those questions get started, they take on a life of their own and end up as huge time wasters, not time savers, and the intent of the communication may be lost or so badly misinterpreted that trust goes astray in the translation.

Let’s regroup and think about the advantages of face-to-face communication, what might get in the way, and types of skills that promote cooperation even in difficult instances.

Face to face communication motivated by care and concern can be so meaningful. But meaningful discourse has a lot of components, many of which are ignored—often unintentionally—no matter how many training classes are offered on the subject of communication.

What does invalidation look like? How do we invalidate each other in our conversations?

Negative comments are remembered much more than positive regard. In the adult world, we may be thicker-skinned, but we remember. There are at least 10 common ways we often invalidate others every day.

>>Maxine Kamin, president of TOUCH Consulting, Inc., develops this idea in a free resource you can download here.

Downloadicon1

Download PDF

Tags: , , ,

| What is MyVisionRoom? > | Back to Communication >

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Maxine Kamin

Maxine Kamin is president of TOUCH Consulting, Inc.: The Personal Touch in Business. She is an author of internationally recognized books and training guides for the American Society for Training and Development such as 10 Steps to Successful Customer Service and Customer Service Training.

See more articles by >

COMMENTS

What say you? Leave a comment!

Recent Comments
Yea! You fixed it!
 
— Mr. Troy Reynolds
 
I just discovered this today and am looking forward to exploring the content on here. It looks like it could be very helpful. Just an FYI - in your paragraph on not putting out B+ material you have a typo. A little ironic. :-) The third sentence begins with "You time" not "Your time."
 
— Troy Reynolds
 
I'm lost, to say the least! As a new pastor, taking over a newly started church I have read just about everything there is to learn what I can do to grow the church. I truly beleive that those attending our church are friendly and sincere. So that can't be the issue. I have read all the comments to this article and I feel that most churches will never have a fair chance! We are a VERY small church, so we don't have a children's church (yet). So if a family comes and gets upset that we don't have a children's church for them to put their children into, we lose! We do provide things for their kids to do during the service and even have an option for their kids to be in a different room, if they don't want their kids to sit with them. We are also such a small church that we don't have a worship team/band/etc. Our worship music comes from music videos. The congregation we do have likes it this way, but of course we would love to have a worhsip team. So, if someone comes to our church and is upset that we don't have live music, we lose! The point I am trying to make is that when people come in with preconceived ideas of what a church should be like, they will never find a church home, unless they find a church who's goal is to entertain! Every Sunday our message comes from the Bible, so that can't be a complaint for someone, so instead, people leave the church and never come back because they want more from a church: they don't want friendly people who are following the Word of God; they want a church that give them something (a babysitter for their kid, entertainment, free gifts, etc.) I'm sorry if sound cynical, I truly want everyone to hear the Good News and learn about Christ's love, but if they come in looking for something else, then the church will always lose!
 
— JAG
 

Clarity Process

Three effective ways to start moving toward clarity right now.