20 Traits of Great Guest Experience Leaders

by: Blake Morgan

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Editor’s Note: During our August focus on Guest Experiences, we are honored to have some of the best voices in the world of Customer Experience provide guest posts for the Vision Room. As you read the content below, simply think “Guest” in terms of the “customer” the author is talking about – and you will benefit from the knowledge and expertise of some great minds.

Companies that have the strongest customer experiences often have the best leaders. Whether they are individual contributors, executives or customer-facing employees, they know what it takes to motivate and inspire others to create a positive experience. And it shows—customers can tell when an organization is focused on providing a great experience and that attitude is reflected in their people.

Here are the top 20 traits of customer experience leaders:

1. Communication. From emails to in-person conversations and written memos, leaders know how to communicate clearly and powerfully. They get their message across concisely and by using the right channel. Good leaders say what they mean and are as comfortable communicating with customers as they are with executives.

2. Listening. Great leaders listen to people and welcome feedback. They apply what they hear, involve others, and consider what would be best for customers. These skills include listening to comments from both employees and customers to learn what the company can do to create a better experience.

3. Empathy. Leaders have to connect with others. They must put themselves in the shoes of their customers and employees to understand how other people are feeling. It’s about more than just the purchase or the service received—it’s about the emotions that customers feel.

4. Delegation. Customer experience leaders know they can’t do it all on their own, and they share the workload with other people who are qualified to do the job. Great leaders know the skillsets of the people around them and assign tasks to the right people. Delegating involves knowing what needs to get done and providing enough details without micromanaging.

5. Motivation. Great leaders know how to inspire greatness in others and use this to encourage their employees to do their best to serve customers. They encourage each employee in his or her career and help them develop professionally. In order to best motivate employees, a leader must truly know them and help them set and reach their goals.

6. Trustworthy. Employees and customers won’t listen to a leader or give their best effort if they don’t think they can trust them. Leaders need to stand by their word and not get involved in office gossip or politics. Customers and employees should know that a leader won’t back out of a promise or go back on something they said.

7. Humility. Leaders are humble enough to realize that it isn’t all about them. They are willing to sacrifice their time, energy, and resources to make sure other people succeed. Humility can also mean turning to people who are more experienced for a task and focusing more on customers and results than on job titles and salaries.

8. Positivity. It can be easy to get bogged down with negative customers and experiences, but leaders rise above it and share their positive attitude with others. When stressful situations arise, leaders set the tone of positivity and encouragement for everyone around them. They think about the good that can come from a situation instead of jumping to the worst conclusions.

9. Creativity. Leaders think outside the box, especially when it comes to finding the best way to solve customer problems and create a great experience. They are willing to try new things and take risks that could potentially lead to great rewards. Creative leaders know the customers want something different that meets their needs, and they are willing to consider all options to find the right solution.

10. Responsibility. Instead of blaming others when things go wrong or taking all the credit when things go right, leaders win and lose with their team. They take responsibility for failures and make plans of how to improve in the future. Instead of just being the figurehead in charge of a team, they are alongside the employees to get the work done and make sure it is done right.

11. Commitment. Great leaders follow through on their promises to customers and employees and do what they say they will do. They are committed to the mission of the company and do what it takes to succeed. Even when times are difficult, they stand by their employees to ensure that customers are always satisfied.

12. Flexibility. Plans change, and leaders need to be agile enough to make adjustments without being totally thrown off course. This also means understanding human issues and making flexible procedures to meet people’s needs. The best leaders stick to their principles but also know that not everything is black and white and can make changes as needed.

13. Honesty. Transparency is key for leadership. Great leaders don’t keep things from employees and customers. They are honest and open about their actions, motivations, and the state of the company. Is something goes wrong, a leader doesn’t try to hide it or avoid talking about it—they are open and address every situation.

14. Organization. When managing numerous employees and customers, the ability to stay organized is key. Leaders focused on customer experience create efficient processes to get the work done and solve customer issues as quickly as possible. Leaders teach their employees how to stay organized in their work so customers know they can depend on the company to get things done the right way.

15. Strategy. Good leaders don’t fly by the seat of their pants. They have a strategic vision and reason for their actions. They use customer experience to strategically help other areas of the company and know the importance customers play in the overall goals of the company.

16. Approachable. Customers and employees know they can come to a leader with their concerns or questions and that they will be listened to and appreciated. A good leader doesn’t just sit in their office and watch over their employees; they get their hands dirty and get involved with all areas of the work. No job is too small for a good leader, and customers and employees know they can come to them with anything.

17. Innovative. Customers and trends are always changing, and leaders find innovative and new solutions to meet their needs. They are willing to take risks that could pay off with a great customer experience and a competitive advantage. Leaders encourage using new ideas and technology and promote a culture where employees aren’t afraid of failure because it leads to something better.

18. Forward-Thinking. Instead of only thinking of what is happening this month or year, leaders look to the future to prepare their organizations and employees for what is coming next. In customer experience, this means keeping up with trends and incorporating new technology. Leaders don’t wait for customers to tell them what technology they are using. They stay on top of developments so their company can be a leader in a new space.

19. Caring. For customer experience leaders, it’s about more than just the money—it’s about caring for people and helping make their lives easier and better. Leaders know the importance of helping customers through difficult times and encourage their employees to go the extra mile to help customers. They are less concerned about sticking to the letter of the law and more concerned about solving customer needs.

20. Decision-Making. Nothing will happen without a smart leader who is willing to pull the trigger, make tough decisions, and get things done. Leaders are smart and decisive. They know that business moves fast and in order to keep up, they have to make quick decisions.

> Read more from Blake.

Learn more about your developing Guest Experience leaders – start a conversation with Guest Experience Navigator Bob Adams.

Want to learn how to create an EXCEPTIONAL Guest Experience at your church? Check out Auxano’s Guest Experience Boot Camp in Cincinnati, OH on August 7-8.

Tags: Blake Morgan, Church Guest Experiences, Guest Experience, Guest Experience Boot Camp, Leadership Characteristics

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Follow These 7 Steps to Be An Effective Leader at Your Church

by: Carey Nieuwhof

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What makes a successful leader successful?

And—here’s the next question— could you adopt any of their characteristics to help you become a more effective leader?

Sometimes it’s easy to think that some people were just ‘born’ successful or that they ‘have it’ and you don’t. For sure, some people are gifted communicators, visionaries or organizational wizards who seem to naturally know how to lead churches and organizations.

But the recipe for a leader’s effectiveness does not all lie in the gene pool. The good news is there are common traits and characteristics that make highly successful church leaders successful. And the really good news is that these characteristics can be learned and then adopted by leaders like you and me.

Last year I launched a leadership podcast (you can subscribe and listen for free here) and so far have had the opportunity to interview over 20 top church leaders. Not only has this been a fun journey, but early on I started to notice common characteristics among all these leaders as we did the interviews.
The common characteristics are so simple they’re surprising, and you might be tempted to dismiss them. But they’re incredibly endearing. And I think they are in part what makes each of them effective in their own realm.

And there is absolutely nothing stopping you from adopting each of the characteristics in your own leadership starting today.

So what do leaders like Andy Stanley, Perry Noble, Jon Acuff, Jeff Henderson, Pete Wilson, Derwin Gray, Tony Morgan, Kara Powell, Casey Graham, Ron Edmondson and others have in common?

Of course they’re gifted speaker, writers, thinkers, strategists and more. But they also do the following 7 things very, very well.
And before we jump to the list, you can get the full list of leaders here and can listen to any or all of the interviews by subscribing to my podcast (for free) on iTunes, Stitcher or TuneIn Radio.

1. They show up on time
I know a lot of leaders who manage far less than any of my guests who are always running late. Usually they talk about how busy they are and excuse it. But not one of my guests has been late so far for their interview. They are precise. To the minute.

This challenges me because as much as I value being on time, I sometimes show up a few minutes past due. This might only happen a few times each month, but it’s still a failure on my part as a leader.

When you show up on time, you not only steward your time well, you steward other people’s time better too.

2. They do their homework
I make it habit to send out questions and an interview tip sheet before each interview. Honestly, I never expected most of the leaders to read it. I know how busy they are and felt fortunate to get an hour of their time. Every leader I interviewed had read the questions in advance. What blew me away is some of them took it further.

Andy Stanley made notes. So had many other leaders.

So just how busy are you again as a leader?

3. They call you by name
Many of the people in these early days of the podcasts are my friends and colleagues, but some truthfully I just knew well enough to ask to be on the show. But what blew me away is how all of them called me by name, not just in the pre-recording set up, but during the interview.

It’s very endearing when someone knows and remembers your name.

As a leader it’s hard to remember the names of everyone you meet. But it’s so important. I wrote this post a few years ago about my struggle to remember names and outline some techniques I use to help me when I’m stuck.

If you want to be a better leader, remember names. And use them. It’s that simple.

4. They’re okay not being good at everything

You would think that some leaders are just naturally great at everything.

Not true.

I record the interviews via Skype, and I was surprised by how many leaders had to get other people to help them get online (not everyone, but more than a few). Some leaders had to create accounts for the purpose of the podcast. They’d just never used Skype before. Others used other people’s user names and got that person to get them online because they weren’t sure how to do it. What’s interesting is they all seemed at peace with it.

No apologies. No trying to pretend like they knew what they were doing. Just an honesty and a gratitude for the friend or staff member who got them online, and then a focus on our conversation and the upcoming interview.

And maybe that’s a secret of their success.

When you try to be great at everything, you can end being excellent at nothing. The world is not going to stop spinning because you need a friend to help you do something you haven’t taken the time to master yourself.

They were just super cool not being great at everything. And I think that’s super-cool.

5.  They follow through. Fast
Sometimes there’s follow up to an episode. We’d cover something in the interview I wasn’t expecting to cover and after it was over, I’d ask whether they could provide the link or resource they talked about.

A great example is Perry Noble’s interview on burnout (such an amazing and compelling story by the way). We referenced a number of articles on his blog and resources he and his team had pulled together on burnout, depression and suicide. Perry and his team got me the notes within an hour of promising they would. And it was no small project. Have a look at the show notes.  The coolest part is that those notes have literally helped thousands of leaders at this point.
Follow through—and fast follow through—is a characteristic of almost every effective leader.

The lesson is simple. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. And when you promise, deliver.

6.  They take their work — not themselves — seriously
Every guest I’ve interviewed so far takes their work seriously, but not themselves.

It’s so refreshing to find leaders who are absolutely passionate about their mission, but who don’t take themselves that seriously. This shouldn’t be a surprise, but it is. Jim Collins identified humility as the defining difference between a Level 4 and a Level 5 difference. The leaders who go the furthest, even in business, are the most humble.

Want to be a better leader? Take your work more seriously than you take yourself.

7. They’re incredibly down to earth
I often get asked, so what’s __________________ really like?
I love that question, because of the top church leaders I’ve met and know, the answer is they’re incredibly genuine people who walk the talk and who are good to be around. I was a little intimidated in some of the interviews, but the warm demeanor, kind words and down to earth approach of every guest was disarming and encouraging.

I’ve met some leaders of small things who take themselves too seriously and are anything but down to earth.

I think that limits your leadership.

The leaders I’ve interviewed all know whether they’ve come from, realize that leadership is a stewardship and make others feel at ease. What if you and I made others feel the same way.

What Do You See?
These are 7 characteristics I’ve seen in the high capacity leaders I’ve been around on my podcast in and in my leadership.
What do you see in the leaders you admire?

> Read more from Carey.

Tags: Carey Nieuwhof, Leadership Characteristics, Leadership Engine

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How to Overcome 3 Common Criticisms When Leading Your Church Through Change

by: Rick Warren

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There is no growth without change. And there is no change without loss. And there is no loss without pain. A church that wants to grow without going through growing pains is like a woman who says, “I want to have a baby but I don’t want to go through labor.” Is the pain worth it? Yes, it’s worth it. People need the Lord and as long as one person doesn’t know Christ we have to keep reaching out.

As your church begins to grow you’re going to face a lot of different criticisms. But there are three really common ones to prepare for:

1. The care issue.

As your church begins to grow, some of the people who have been around the longest will say, “Pastor, you don’t care about me anymore.” What this really translates as is, “You’re not available to me like you used to be when the church was little.” The truth is, they’re right. You aren’t. The solution to that is not that you double up and work harder.

The solution is small groups. You cannot personally care for everybody’s needs or the church will never grow beyond you. You have to teach people to have their pastoral care needs met in their small group. Growth means restructuring and every time you restructure you disappoint people and the older you get the less you like to do that.

2.  The control issue. 

When you grow, some people will begin to say things like, “I don’t feel as involved as I used to feel.” Growth upsets the balance of power between the pioneers and the homesteaders. When the scales tip you can expect criticism.

When the church first starts growing everybody goes, “Isn’t this great? Look at all these young people coming in. They can help pay the bills!” Once you have more newcomers than you have established members the question becomes, whose church is it? The answer is that it isn’t their church and it isn’t your church. It’s God’s church.

You can have some measure of growth and some measure of control, but you can’t have a lot of control and a lot of growth at the same time. You have to choose.

3.  The comfort issue.

You cannot grow without change and change is never comfortable. A lot of people want the church to grow as long as it doesn’t make them uncomfortable. But if the church is going to continue to grow, we must be willing to minister outside our comfort zone. I’ve seen people in our church who would start a ministry, grow it up, turn it over to a newcomer, then start up another new ministry, grow it up, and turn it over to a newcomer. The real issue is selfishness and it takes unselfish people to grow a church.

So when criticism comes as a result of growth, change, and loss, how does a wise Pastor navigate the relationships that exist in the church? Here are three things you need to do that aren’t easy, but they are often necessary.

1.  Be willing to let people leave the church

People are going to leave your church no matter what you do. But when you define the vision, you’re choosing who’s going to leave – those who are supportive of the vision or those who aren’t. You cannot surrender the leadership of your church to manipulators. Jesus invested the maximum time with those who would bear the maximum responsibility.

2.  Continually remind people why you’re making these changes.

Why are we doing all this? There is only one reason – people need the Lord. We’re making these changes to reach one more person for Jesus.

3.  Affirm and appreciate people for the changes they do agree to make.

Be grateful for minor changes. Focus on progress not perfection. Change is hard, and God uses change to grow people. So affirm growing people who have chosen to embrace change for the sake of the kingdom.

Read more from Rick here.

Tags: Change, Leadership Characteristics, Overcoming Criticism, Rick Warren

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Good to Great to Anointed: 10 Leadership Traits to Pursue

by: Todd McMichen

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Have you ever been a part of a good church? How about a great one? Still even better, have you been on a run when you experienced a unique anointing from God? I know when you begin to differentiate between good, great, and anointed you can get on sketchy ground when it comes to churches. Nevertheless, I have definitely experienced some leadership intangibles that are rather consistent, and I would like to pass them on to you.

Here is how I would describe good, great, and anointed for the sake of this blog:

• A good church is steady and consistent.
• A great church is in the midst of an exponential return.
• An anointed church is experiencing something supernatural that can only being explained by the divine interruption of God.

While I have no science to offer, I have intuitively noticed some leadership habits in churches that are enjoying a good ministry as a base, are on a great journey, and in a period of anointing. While I don’t think you can formulate a unique movement of God, I would like to encourage you with a few leadership patterns I have found repeatedly. I hope they spur you to chase the person of Christ and not the form of an above average institution.

1. A deep commitment on the staff to personal holiness and the priority of family.
2. A strong conviction and reliance on the authority of Scripture over life.
3. A personal calling to that specific location.
4. A daily reliance on God in prayer and a keen sense of listening to his leadings. (regular fasting is common)
5. A humility and flexibility to do whatever it takes even if that means dramatic change.
6. A willingness to fail.
7. A demonstrated passion for personal evangelism and life change.
8. A leaning towards bold faith decisions.
9. A powerfully clear and unique vision.
10. A surrender to pursue only the glory of God not the acclaim of others.

I want this to encourage you as a leader to follow God with all your heart. Exponential results may not be seen in dramatic numeric growth. We are called to be faithful to the one who called us. Surrender anew today to your God, staff, people, and city. I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that these churches also exhibit average preaching, common music, dated ministries, and disorganized leadership. The special sauce isn’t always what you think.

“As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him.” 1 John 22:27

>> Read more by Todd.

Tags: Annointed, Good, Great, Leadership Characteristics, Todd McMichen

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Achieving Excellence in Ministry Begins by Looking in the Mirror

by: VRcurator

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So you want to claim the title of “excellence” in your personal and professional life?

Or are you a leader of an organization or manager of a department and you want to be seen as best of class, at the top of your game? In short, you desire a score of a ten out of ten in all that you do. Neither the silver nor bronze will do.

If you fall into any of the categories above, then this is your wake-up call. What many call excellence is actually average incognito. So the first step to obtaining your title is to remove the veils of mediocrity and come to know what this elusive term called excellence really is. Once you view excellence in its purest form, then you can set your course—or your organization’s course—with a compass that clearly shows if you are on the right path.

In the 80’s, many began their search for excellence. Over three decades later, the search still continues for many of us and, for others, the search has just begun.

We were intrigued by the concept of excellence in both the professional and organizational domains and began on a journey to understand excellence, but soon found that a significant barrier exists.

A commitment to excellence is a commitment to evaluate your current environment, circumstances, challenges, issues, opportunities and contracts and to rise above the base foundation and lowest common denominator, to perform and behave in a manner that reflects your best.

It’s time to take an honest assessment of your personal and professional life. Have you settled, compromised, given up, or given in?

Authors John Britt and Harry Paul have worked with Ken Blanchard in creating classic leadership books like Who Killed Change, Revved! and Fish. Their most recent book, Who Kidnapped Excellence? is excerpted in a PDF entitled Finding Excellence.

>> Download Finding Excellence here.

Tags: Finding Excellence, Harry Paul, John Britt, Leadership Characteristics, Leadership Development

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Being Crazy and 7 Other Traits of Church Planters

by: Geoff Surratt

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How do you know if you might make a good church planter? There are great online tools to help determine your readiness to plant and every church planting network and denomination has some form of formal assessment, if you feel called to plant that’s where you should start.

But what if you don’t know if you’re called? What if you just kind of wonder if planting a church (or helping plant a church) might be in your future? Here are eight traits based on eight biblical characters that might indicate you have the stuff to start a church from scratch.

(SPOILER ALERT: IT STARTS WITH BEING CRAZY!)

You might be a church planter if…

> You’re crazy like Noah

Noah didn’t know how to build a boat, gather animals or run a floating zoo, but when God said build the Ark Noah grabbed a hammer and a saw and went to work. His neighbors were right, Noah was a little nuts.

Church planters are a little nuts. They look at people far from God and see future church elders. They look at a run down middle school and see a great place to have church. They look at a tatted up bar singer and see a potential worship leader.

Most of the successful church planters I know are a little crazy.

> You’re arrogant like Nehemiah

Nehemiah had the audacity to believe that a ragtag group of rejects could be turned into a top-notch building crew. He thought this newly assembled crew could rebuild a massive wall, that laid in ruins for 70 years, in a matter of weeks. And Nehemiah thought he was just the man to lead the project. Nehemiah was a little arrogant.

A church planter goes to a city where the vast majority of people don’t attend church, where dozens of churches with massive budgets and bloated staffs are slowly dying, a community where a dozen leaders before him have failed to build a sustainable church. He looks at the dismal statistics and says, “I can do this.”

Surviving as a church planter requires a little arrogance.

> You’re determined like Caleb

When Caleb is 80 years old he goes to his long time friend Joshua and says, “Listen, dude. I have done everything you’ve asked me to do. I have fought side-by-side with you to drive the heathens from the Promised Land for 40 years. I’ve put up with the yammering and complaining of the Israelites. I’ve eaten so much manna and quail I can’t face another chicken sandwich. Now, GIVE ME MY MOUNTAIN!”

Church planters struggle understanding the word “No”. When the school says “No” they hear, “Not today, come back tomorrow.” When their next door neighbor says, “NO” they hear, “Not yet.” When the high-capacity potential volunteer says “No” they hear “I don’t quite understand the vision.”

Great church planters are determined not to fail.

> You party like Matthew

When Matthew realizes Jesus is the long-awaited Messiah he doesn’t build a church, he doesn’t call a priest and he doesn’t write a poem; Matthew throws a party. And based on the guest list, Matthews gang of tax collectors and sinners, its likely a party to be remembered. The cops may or may not have been called.

Church planters who reach people who aren’t church shopping, people who don’t even think about church, know how to throw an epic party. There is music, there is laughter, things sometimes get a little out of hand. Church planting and party planning seem to go hand in hand.

Evangelistic church planters tend to party hard.

> You can lead a band of misfits like David

“David and his Mighty Men” sounds like a great title for a superhero movie. We have visions of brave soldiers straight out of the movie “300″ with square jaws, bulging muscles and wills of steel. But that isn’t who David’s mighty men were. Here’s their description from 1 Samuel 22:

“So David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. So his brothers and all his other relatives joined him there. Then others began coming-men who were in trouble or in debt or who were just discontented-until David was the captain of about 400 men.”

These “mighty men” were worthless malcontents running from the law. This was David’s leadership pipeline.

Church Planters build leaders from soon-to-be former drug addicts, deadbeat dads and unemployed blue-collar workers. The John Maxwell leaders play golf and attend a megachurch. Leaders in a church plant work the night shift and hang out at a bar. When I was trying to grow a church in Huffman, Texas my leader/misfits were a guy hiding from the IRS, a recovering cocaine addict and a guy who smoked a joint before church every Sunday morning to calm his  nerves.

> You’re passionate like Peter

Peter meets Elijah and Moses and responds, “Let’s build a hotel right here!”

Jesus instructs Peter on foot washing so Peter says, “Give me bath!”

Jesus says that all the disciples will leave him and Peter proclaims, “I will never deny you!”

Peter hops out of boat in the middle of a lake, cuts off a guy’s ear, cusses out a servant girl and sobs his guts out when he realizes the depth of his betrayal.

Everything Peter does he does with passion.

Church planters lead with their heart. Their heart breaks when a marriage fails, they party like its 1999 every time someone commits their life to Christ, they get so excited they can’t stand themselves after every baptism. Church planters are obnoxious on Twitter because their emotions are on display for the world to see. I haven’t met a successful stoic church planter. I’m just glad Peter didn’t have a Facebook page.

> You’re tenacious like Paul

The Apostle Paul just didn’t know when to quit

Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. I have traveled on my long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be believers but ar not. I have worked hard and long, enduring many sleepless nights. I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm.

After the third or fourth beating any normal person would have said, “Well, that’s about it for me”, but Paul wasn’t a normal person, he was a church planter.

The single biggest difference between a successful church planter and one who doesn’t make it is tenacity. The ability to continue to work and change and adapt until he finds a way to reach people far from God and mold them into a local faith community. This is different than doing the same thing over and over and hoping this time things will work out differently (tenacity vs persistence). Church planters are crazy, not insane.

> You love your city like Jesus

Jerusalem, the city that rejected Jesus more than any other was the city he loved most. Not long before he was crucified just outside the walls Jesus wept over the city he longed to save. He knew returning to Jerusalem for his final passover sealed his fate, but he loved the city and what it represented so much he refused to stay way. And it cost him his life.

The truly successful church planter, the one who makes a lasting difference, is willing to lay down his life for his city. His heart is broken by the lostness he sees and he can’t imagine ministering anywhere else. If he has to work two jobs to feed his family he will. The one thing he won’t do is abandon his city.

Are you a church planter (or someone who will help plant a church)? Are you obsessed with a city? Are you willing to do anything to reach that city? Can you take a punch? Can you mold a group of losers and outcasts into a band of mighty men? If you’re just that crazy, then yes, you might be a church planter.

Read more from Geoff here.

Tags: Church Planter, Church Planting, Geoff Surratt, Leadership Characteristics

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Learning to be Present in an Increasingly Noisy World

by: Jeff Goins

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For each of us, there are unique, everyday distractions that call us away from being here—now: The temptation to linger in the past or to hope for a better future; the alluring eyes of a coworker who appreciates you more than your spouse does. And every time we are lulled away from our lives and distanced from the moment, we lose something of ourselves and our purpose.

And we wonder why the abundant life seems so evasive, so distant. Like something just beyond our reach, it seems to taunt us. And we may eventually despair of ever finding it. In frustration, as a last resort, we may turn to an old but familiar lesson: one of letting go, of looking beyond personal ambition and replacing it with something better, the slow growth that happens when we surrender to what all these delays and setbacks are really trying to teach us.

So it seems the antidote to our restlessness is not necessarily another adventure or experience of a lifetime, but a deep abiding in where we are now.

How does this happen? With waiting. Normal, everyday situations that test our patience and cause us to reflect on what really matters. Personally, I wish there was another way. As the world’s least patient person, I don’t like waiting at all. But I’m beginning to see the value—and inevitability—of the times in between the big moments in life.

Maybe, like me, you’ve spent much of your life longing for the next season. Hoping better things would come when you graduated or got married or gave your life to a career worthy of your talents. But now, you’re not so sure holding out for what’s to come is the smartest strategy.

If that’s you, then I have some good news: you are not alone.

We all want to live meaningful lives full of experiences we can be proud of. We want a story to tell our grandkids that will make them go, “Wow!” That’s a given. And certainly, I’m not telling you to be boring or give up on your hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Quite the opposite.

What I am trying to say is this: many of us in search of life’s greatest moments fail to recognize that the best moments are the ones happening right now. The “good stuff” isn’t ahead of or behind us. It’s somewhere in between—right in the midst of this moment, here and now.

This is why many of us fight the quiet and try to fill the void of inactivity with constant busyness. It’s why we sometimes stay up late or can’t sleep. We wonder—and worry—if this is all life has to offer. All the while, we miss the truth: The thing we want to escape is what holds the key to our contentment.

What if, instead of pining for the action of the next frame, we surrendered to the wait, learning to live in those “boring” moments with more intentionality? What if we fell in love with the in-between times, relishing instead of resenting them?

Well, then, we might just learn a few important lessons.

>>Learn more from author Jeff Goins by downloading his thoughts on learning the discipline of being present.

If we reserve our joy only for the experiences of a lifetime, we may miss the life in the experience. Such opportunities are everywhere, waiting for us to see them. But first we must learn to open our eyes, to recognize the gift of waiting.

Tags: In Between Times, Jeff Goins, Leadership Characteristics, Leadership Disciplines

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Not Just a Leader: An Effective, Strategic Leader

by: Center for Creative Leadership

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Tags: Center for Creative Leadership, Leadership Characteristics, Leadership Engine

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5 Ways People Manage Conflict

by: Trevin Wax

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Relationships break down for a variety of reasons, but some feuds and fights could easily be prevented if, during the initial stages of conflict, disagreements were handled wisely. Relationships are more likely preserved when people on both sides recognize the different ways that people go about managing and resolving conflict.

In Cross-Cultural Conflict: Building Relationships for Effective Ministry, Duane Elmer draws on the work of R. H. Thomas and K. W. Kilmann to summarize five ways those of us in the West handle conflict:

1. The Win-Lose Strategy

“Win-lose people assume that everything should be seen as right or wrong,” Elmer writes (34). For this reason, they see things in black and white and resist any notion of “gray.” Negotiation is a form of compromise. When differences of opinion arise, the win-lose person assumes that the one who disagrees is the one who is wrong.

Flexibility is a sign of weakness. Energy should be expended not in trying to find common ground, but in trying to convince the other person of the wrongness of their viewpoint. Elmer lists a variety of tactics used to convince others to change their minds: physical force, threats, intimidation, silence, verbiage and volume, pointing out past failures, pulling rank, rewarding or spiritual one-upmanship (35).

It is not surprising that a win-lose person is willing to sacrifice relationships in order to get their way and remain “right.” The way to confront a win-lose person is to avoid an argument and instead rely on a group to show the person where they are wrong and why it is important for them to resist being dogmatic or stubborn in areas of preference, not principle.

There are, of course, certain areas we should be dogmatically unchanging in (certain doctrinal commitments or moral standards). But to allow convictions on personal matters become all-encompassing, to the point where relationships break down due to unbending dogmatism, is to go beyond Scripture and fail to take into consideration the possible flaws in one’s own thinking. Elmer recommends we “be dogmatic and stubborn where God is, and flexible where He is” (36). This is good advice, but win-lose people too often assume that their position and God’s are the same!

2. Avoidance

On the opposite spectrum of the win-lose person, those who avoid disagreement assume that differences are always bad because they might lead to relational breakdown. Confrontational conflict may cause a rupture in the relationship; therefore, we ought to minimize the opportunities for confrontation and hope that the disagreements will resolve themselves.

There may be times when avoidance of conflict is the best approach. After all, we should not crave confrontation in our relationships. Wisdom may dictate a season of silence, in which heated emotions have time to cool off so that reason can prevail.

But those who tend to avoid conflict usually wind up with weak and superficial relationships that are unable to stand up under the strain of differing opinions. Important decisions are postponed. Issues bubbling up under the surface are never addressed, and as a result, relationships remain surface level. Avoiding conflict at all costs is often a sign of weakness and insecurity.

3. Giving In

Another approach to managing conflict is to give in to the stronger person. In order to accommodate another point of view or smooth over the differences, this person yields to others and maintains peace.

Like those who avoid conflict, relationships are seen as more important than “being right.” But unlike the “avoiders,” those who give in are more likely to yield so that the relationship can still be robust and disagreement be minimized.

Elmer calls this person a “people-pleaser.” They tend to minimize their difference of opinion to the point their own personal goals and values are forfeited. Occasionally, the one who gives in will be pushed to the limit and will adopt a win-lose posture on other issues. But for the most part, they are likely to give up their own viewpoint in order to keep the peace.

There are times when giving in is the wisest option. Elmer points out certain times when giving in is the preferred choice. For example, when the issue is of little consequence and the relationship is obviously more important than the disagreement, it is wise to admit you may be wrong.

Another example would be to give in at one point in order to win at a different point. Every relationship has a built-in amount of give-and-take.

Or perhaps you might give in so that others may have room to make their own mistakes, face the consequences, and grow as a result. The difficulty is in knowing when to give in and when to stand firm.

4. Compromise

For the win-lose person, compromise is the same as capitulation and should always be avoided. But there are many people who choose to view conflict from a “realistic” perspective in which it is already assumed that no one will get everything they want all the time. Because it is impossible for everyone to have everything, they believe all people should be willing to give a little in order to get a little. “Life is the art of negotiating to some happy middle ground,” Elmer writes (41).

Compromise is the best approach when both sides are pushing to extremes, asking for more than they want, so that in the end all are expected to meet in the middle and still walk away with most of their desires met. In theory, everyone should be happy with the end result.

But, as Elmer points out, this method means both parties must be willing to give up something important to them (42). The risk is that the “happy middle ground” will make both sides unsatisfied and unhappy. Compromise is also problematic if one of the negotiating parties has disproportionate power. At this point, it is likely that the powerful party will get more of its demands and the other party will walk away dissatisfied with the results.

5. Carefronting

According to Elmer, “carefronting means directly approaching the other person in a caring way so that achieving a win-win solution is most likely” (42). In order to accomplish this task, the two parties must agree to come together, commit to preserve the relationship, creatively find a solution that satisfies both sides, utilize reason over emotion, separate the person from the issue, and strive for a solution that will bring peace.

Many assume that carefronting is the biblical approach to resolving conflict. Indeed, there are similarities with Jesus’ instructions in Matthew 18:15-17 for confronting a wayward brother or sister in Christ.

But Elmer cautions us against thinking that carefronting is the only model of conflict resolution. Certain cultural tendencies may make this model more applicable in some settings as opposed to others.

What About You?

Which of these approaches do you tend toward? How have you resolved conflicts with people who manage conflict differently than you do?

Read more from Trevin here.

Tags: Conflict Management, Leadership Barriers, Leadership Characteristics, Trevin Wax

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Lead Like Jesus

by: Steven Furtick

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You often hear people talk about how we need to lead like Jesus. I completely agree.

But what many people usually seem to mean by this is simply that we need to be extra nice. Not be too blunt or harsh. Or too demanding. Or put people in situations that overly stretch them.

In other words, leading like Jesus means leading like Mr. Rogers.

I don’t know if you’ve read the gospels, but that’s not how Jesus led. I recently did a quick read-through of Mark and noticed a trend in Jesus’ leadership:
Jesus was a tough, demanding leader to follow. He was always stirring something up, pushing the disciples past their limits, even coming across rude and reckless sometimes.

I mean, think about the fact that for the disciples’ first mission in Mark 6, Jesus he tells them to teach and cast out demons, even though there’s no indication they had ever done it. And then He doesn’t even equip them very well: they only get a staff. No bread, no bag, no money. That’s like your pastor coming up to you and saying “I want you to build me a new campus in 30 days. You’ve got no money, no volunteers to start with. No place to meet yet. I’m preaching there live the first weekend it’s open. Good luck.”

Or how about all the times when the disciples would say stupid things, ask dumb questions, or they just didn’t get it. And Jesus, instead of being sweet with them, would just call them out. Like in Mark 7 when the disciples don’t understand a parable, and Jesus replies, “are you so dull?”

What about in Mark 1:16-20 when Jesus tells Peter, Andrew, James, and John to leave their livelihood to follow Him. Or Mark 1:40-42 when Jesus touches a leper in front of the disciples, which would have been like injecting yourself with AIDS in our day. Or Mark 2:13-17 when Jesus goes to a party with sinners and the disciples have to do PR control with the Pharisees.

That’s just scratching the surface in Mark. And I didn’t even get to the other gospels.

Don’t get me wrong, leading like Jesus doesn’t mean you have to lead like a jerk. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m just saying that Jesus knew some things about leadership we all need to learn.

Leadership isn’t letting people stay comfortable. Leadership isn’t being easy on your team. Leadership isn’t speaking in nice generalities and letting crap go by without calling people on it. Leadership isn’t about not putting your people in tough circumstances where they’re going to have to think on their feet.

Leadership isn’t about those things because then you’re not actually leading your people anywhere but where they’ve always been. You’re letting their potential remain dormant. And you’re not serving them. You’re setting them up for failure. Or even worse, successful mediocrity.

Don’t be afraid to expect the best from your people. And don’t be afraid to put them in difficult situations that are going to bring the best out of them.

In short, don’t lead like Mr. Rogers. Lead like Jesus.

Read more from Steven here.

Tags: Leadership Characteristics, Leadership Engine, Steven Furtick

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